Take all the monstrous fears and doubts, stuff them in a funeral bier and banish them to the Land of Nothing. The 18th-century funeral bier pictured is from the All Saints' Parish Church in Evesham, England.
Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win
by fearing to attempt.
Measure for Measure - William Shakespeare
The monster sometimes goes by the moniker of Fear;
but it prefers the name Doubt.
Its power threatens to undermine everything we do,
silence our voices and talents.
For years, Doubt left me alone, having bigger fish to fry.
But now that writing is my raison d'etre,
my strength and salvation, my hope and my future,
it stalks me like a dangerous hunter's quarry.
It lurks in the background, waiting to pounce,
laughing while cruelly reminding me I'm not so special.
Its stale perfume poisons the air until I'm intoxicated
with the elusive promise of Might-Have-Been.
Sometimes Doubt leaves me almost paralyzed,
reluctant to write a word, in case my efforts lack merit.
Doubt can counter years of hard work,
in a few dark moments of despair.
Doubt has no regard
for the self-esteem I've worked hard to build,
for the fragile illusion of faith in myself, long cultivated.
In an instant it can send my mood spiraling in freefall from Belief's dizzying heights.
Doubt's dubious authority grows in proportion to benign neglect of talent
The longer one fears to try, the more clout Doubt gains, the bigger space it fills,
until Belief is left desperately gasping for air, searching for sunlight
beneath Doubt's smothering weight.
Sometimes I succeed in banishing Doubt from my sight
but it seizes that first sign of weakness, that flush of hesitation.
Doubt is distracting, like a small child, demanding attention,
relentless in its pursuit, in its determination to interrupt creativity.
Even as I try to hide amidst flowering fields of powerful words,
Doubt selfishly urges me to abandon my quest for truth.
"Why waste time writing, when you could be washing crystal or doing laundry?
Those blank pages will be there waiting," Doubt whispers seductively in my ear.
But I have discovered little tricks to temporarily deter Doubt:
I hold on tight to inner reserves of faith and well-being.
Doubt is confused by persistence, by the simple act of writing every day
even if the phrases remain inside my head, waiting for their moment to shine.
Doubt is puzzled by open rebellion; by my refusal to be deterred.
It watches me like an especially-attentive would-be lover,
sending the wrong kind of chills shivering down my spine,
even as esperanza holds the fort.
Some claim Doubt is Fear-of-Success in disguise,
just an occupational hazard like stage fright.
Push past the Fear and you thwart Doubt:
as with all bullies, intimidated by strength and defiance.
I started writing this piece for Sunday Scribblings' prompt "The Monster" late Thursday, but Doubt kept me from finishing it until today.
As always, I'm impressed with your words, your imagery, and your choice of photo to illustrate your point.
Posted by: boliyou | 30 August 2006 at 03:51
The funeral bier is too good for Doubt -- he needs to be cremated! Doubt, and especially his cousin, What-If have been residing at my home lately. Time to banish them from my life! Well done!!!
Posted by: bonnie | 29 August 2006 at 18:25
i liked doubt as a bully. his evil twin indecision visits me as well. I know you will put up a fight... and swing for the fences!
Posted by: wendy | 29 August 2006 at 03:11
Doubt and its cousin, they're-just-humouring-you, are evil conspirators in silence. I think you've hit a nerve with this post.
Posted by: deirdre | 28 August 2006 at 23:54
Wow - I couldn't help but add to all the accolades - wonderful poem, wonderful singling out of a true monster for many, wonderfully written.
Posted by: TwilightSpider | 28 August 2006 at 19:05
Sorry - I meant to say too that your writing about doubt rang a bell with me. Very well put.
Posted by: chiefbiscuit | 28 August 2006 at 12:50
So good to catch up with your exciting visit to England - just lovely.
Posted by: chiefbiscuit | 28 August 2006 at 12:49
Oh this hits so close to home, Tara. This bit "Doubt's dubious authority grows in proportion to benign neglect of talent
The longer one fears to try, the more clout Doubt gains, the bigger space it fills,
until Belief is left desperately gasping for air, searching for sunlight
beneath Doubt's smothering weight." certainly descibes the foothold that doubt has in my life, and the longer I give it permission to hold the upper hand the greedier it gets.
Your writing always impresses me as being so self-assured and confident. This post surprises me.
Stay strong!
Posted by: Star | 28 August 2006 at 07:15
I have alot of self doubt. It seems to be very common among women of our age group. hmm, I wonder why?
love the funeral bier, never knew it was called that. I can imagine an uncorrupted saints body in that.
love you, Tara oxo
Posted by: miss*R | 28 August 2006 at 06:06
The pen is mightier than the sword - and with your pen may you at last vanquish this cowardly foe called Doubt!
Your words have such power and poetry, Tara. Don't ever let doubt stop you from using that talent of yours!
xox
Posted by: tinker | 28 August 2006 at 01:17
That was amazing to read, your last 2 verses must fill all doubters like us to conquer our monsters. Thank you for dropping past my post, I have read your blog for some time, but doubted i would have anything interesting to comment to you. How amazing is it so say that. This sunday scribblings has been very cathartic
Posted by: rach | 28 August 2006 at 00:45
Oh Doubt, if I could only banish you forever.
Posted by: meredith | 27 August 2006 at 23:50
"Doubt is confused by persistence...puzzled by my refusal to be deterred."
Excellent words of faith, Tara! Words to live by.
As always, thanks for the motivation of your sharing.
Posted by: sundaycynce | 27 August 2006 at 23:28
"Doubt is confused by persistence."
no truer words. thanks for reminding me of this truth.
Posted by: ally bean | 27 August 2006 at 22:49
this is sage advice, sage assurance, and sage encouragement.
any writer smiles and breathes alittle easier reading this.
thank you!
Posted by: kj | 27 August 2006 at 22:20
This is my first time wandering into your blog. I must say that I very much enjoyed myself. You have expressed the beast well. Cheers :)
Posted by: Mike | 27 August 2006 at 22:14
Oh, WOW! You brought a whole new meaning to those monsters. Thank you for posting your thoughts on my Blog prompting me to check yours out. This piece on Doubt is truly amazing. And I'm jealous of your life in Paris. :-) Keep writing, Tara. I can't WAIT to read your next entry.
Posted by: Lisa | 27 August 2006 at 21:13
I feel sure if I read all the comments ahead of mine, I would find that what I am about to say is highly redundant, so I will not read them first. I feel as if you climbed right inside my head throughout the first 3/4 of your amazing piece. But I was stopped cold by the final 1/4. I have not persevered. I have not banished doubt. I have cowered in its presence and swallowed my words. I have believed its lies - yes I acknowledge they are lies. I'm profoundly grateful for your self-disclosure (if YOU can experience doubt, how much more me?), and your encouragement to press past it boldly.
Posted by: Rebekah | 27 August 2006 at 20:55
Your thoughts on doubt really resonate with me. I like your ending about fear of success in disguise.
Posted by: TI | 27 August 2006 at 20:31
Wonderful! You speak for so many of us, if not all of us! (Never doubt your talent with words.)
xox
Posted by: Colette | 27 August 2006 at 19:14
no
doubt
others
said it all
however, I cast
yet another laurel of praise--
claiming victory over Doubt, Fear, and Silence too!
Posted by: susan | 27 August 2006 at 19:14
Wonderful words Tara! Doubt needs to be recognised for what it is, a traitor and a bully. We all need to learn to deny it its power by refusing to listen to it. Glad doubt didn't stop you from finishing your poem, absolutely no doubt it's very good!
Posted by: Kamsin | 27 August 2006 at 18:23
Very nice post...your words
express Doubt's hold on us all.
Posted by: Gemma | 27 August 2006 at 18:10
Breathtaking... a gift to anyone who writes or wants to. The courage of it all.
Posted by: Sally | 27 August 2006 at 17:26
*Doubt is confused by persistence, by the simple act of writing every day*
hear, hear - let's keep at it! great poem, tara.
Posted by: bb | 27 August 2006 at 17:23
Technically I started crying while writing my post, but I had pulled myself together and stopped. Doubt really is my monster, and being faced with that has made me cry rather heavily. But, I hope (we have to) in a good way.
Posted by: Jemima von Schindelberg | 27 August 2006 at 16:28
Veerrry nice. Just beautiful. Doubt is such a big player in our lives, what an encouraging piece.
Posted by: Jayne | 27 August 2006 at 14:44
Good one. I have my struggles with doubt, for certain. ;-)
Posted by: Michelle | 27 August 2006 at 14:31
Another poem for my diary. You have a way with words that touches something deep inside me Tara. And I find reflexions in my "Walls" (You know what I talk about)
Posted by: Britt-Arnhild Lindland | 27 August 2006 at 14:22
Brilliant, Tara, and so true, doubt does keep us from trying things and from stretching ourselves. It is a true monster. Hope you enjoy the collage items you picked up, just get down and create with them, nothing is wrong you can only be right with collage, that is what is so great about it.
Posted by: Daisy Lupin | 27 August 2006 at 13:06
I understand very much this feeling and particularly hiding amid fields of words. I like the idea also of doubt being seductive. Much to think on!
Posted by: commongal | 27 August 2006 at 09:47
That's a true boogiewhatever in my book!
Very creative poem.
And as always, I love your photo choices.
Posted by: GoGo | 27 August 2006 at 08:06
I have only one word for this: FANTASTIC!
Gosh Paris, you're such a good poet.
Posted by: Hundred and one | 27 August 2006 at 07:54
Absolutely spot on, amazing post. It's fascinating to see how sure footed and strong your voice sounds, even when writing about doubting yourself!
And this: "Why waste time writing, when you could be washing crystal or doing laundry?
Those blank pages will be there waiting," Doubt whispers seductively in my ear.
is currently a big part of the story of my life.
Thanks, as always.
Posted by: Mardougrrl | 27 August 2006 at 07:22
That was a beautiful post! I am a "doubter" too. It stems from my insecurity. This helps!
Posted by: Chelle | 27 August 2006 at 06:56
Tara,
Bravo, encore!
Good writing is hard work. If it were easy, doubt and fear would take a hike.
I applaud your perseverance. I like to read you because you make it understandable. ie: Bill's quote.
rel
Posted by: rel | 27 August 2006 at 04:48
No Doubt about it, this is lovely and thought-provoking. Thank you for your insight so beautifully written.
Posted by: miandmiksmom | 27 August 2006 at 04:25
There is NO doubt about your talent with words, Tara. They dance, they mesmerize, I have never read anything by you that did not make me marvel at your artistry. No, you are definitely a gifted writer, doubt may go and stand in the corner and be ashamed at itself for ever questioning you.
Posted by: Kerstin | 27 August 2006 at 01:53
This piece gave me such a mixture of emotions. I could feel the despair and the hopefulessness. But by the end a sense of determination to not let the bullies win!
JTL
xxx
Posted by: JourneyThroughLife | 27 August 2006 at 01:31
This piece gave me such a mixture of emotions. I could feel the despair and the hopefulessness. But by the end a sense of determination to not let the bullies win!
JTL
xxx
Posted by: JourneyThroughLife | 27 August 2006 at 01:30
Darn it girl - is your
poetry published?
You should be -
I quite identify with
fear - giving doubt
the upper hand -
gorgeous piece of writing.
Layered and perceptive -
just like you.
Posted by: Sophie | 27 August 2006 at 01:01
Wow, that just perfectly describes the kinds of feelings I've been having for the past couple of years. Amazing how crippling doubt and fear of failure can be. Doubt as a bully, great analogy, it really is. I know intellectually that like all fears you just have to stand up to it and do what you want to do regardless, but it's awfully hard sometimes to put it into practice.
Posted by: desert rat | 27 August 2006 at 00:51
oooh self doubt will eat you up inside if you let it! it paralizes its victims:( cast all self doubt away! everyone has something wonderful and amazing to offer! loved this very much tara!;)
Posted by: berrie | 27 August 2006 at 00:40
>>as with all bullies, intimidated by strength and defiance.
For me, doubt's vanquished more by the sense that what I do is damn well good enough. Good enough to be seen, good enough to be admired from time to time, good enough to build on and grow from. I can't always summon up outright defiance in the face of doubt, but I can usually summon up the sense of being good enough.
Posted by: Laura | 27 August 2006 at 00:15
Tara very true all of it I can identify with... "the longer one fears to try the more clout Doubt gains." I think all writers experience doubt.
Excellant writing as always!
Eleanor Roosevelt once said
"you gain strength courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
Posted by: naturegirl | 26 August 2006 at 23:01
T, as ever, you're speaking my language :-) x
Posted by: susannah | 26 August 2006 at 22:34
Cast all doubts aside - you have talent!!!!!
Posted by: Toni (aka Autrice) | 26 August 2006 at 22:29
Wow! Great poem, my dear. Yes, I think most artists are plagued by Doubt, but write/create despite (or maybe in spite of?) that nasty monster. Remember the quote: Dance as though no one is watching! Write as if you are writing for one - YOU! And, by the way, I love your writing.
Posted by: Deborah | 26 August 2006 at 21:36
Darn you, Tara. I haven't even read your entire post and I already see that you boldly took the topic that I ditched on in light of the easy chipmunk story. I absolutely love that Shakespeare quote...always have. Thank you for displaying it so that I now have it properly referenced as to where it came from.
I already know that I am going to comment again when I finish reading your entire post when I get back home....gotta run at the moment. Mayhem will not wait and, should I dally, I will miss being involved!
Posted by: Scott | 26 August 2006 at 21:35
Nice piece of writing ... and all so familiar!!
Posted by: jzr | 26 August 2006 at 21:29